Friday, November 5, 2010

50 Appropriate Ways to Celebrate Tilda Swinton.

The fabulous Tilda Swinton is now a half century old young timeless -- old, young... these concepts are too limited when it comes to the greats. But fact: On November 5th, 1960 Tilda Swinton first came into the world. So a tribute is most definitely in order.

50 Appropriate Ways 
to Celebrate Swintonian Greatness

  • Be a genius.
  • Dye your hair white blonde... or bright red.
  • Be colorful.
  • Imagine you have deep Scottish roots.
  • Create an eccentric personal film festival.
  • Attend any film festival near you.
  • Have tremendous commitment to your art. 
  • Exhibit tremendous loyalty to your friends.
  • Watch a Derek Jarman film immediately. (This should have been first. Just pretend you did it first.)

  • Stand naked in front of the mirror with your goodies tucked. 
  • Say "Same person. No different at all. Just a different sex"
  • That's right. Watch ORLANDO (1993) again. It's so good.
  • Break the fourth wall with Jimmy Sommerville blasting behind you as soundtrack.
  • Clone yourself.
  • Enjoy your own company.

  • Pretend your children (or niece & nephews) are twins. Call them "Xavier" and "Honor" all day. 
  • Invite a friend over and do a crazy photoshoot. You photograph so well! 
  • Pose for a talented painter.
  • Become a muse for multiple creative types: fashion, film, art, music. Anything!
  • Experiment with an open relationship.
  • Wear attention-grabbing shoes.

  • Offer a young bratty boy some Turkish delight.
  • Wear a shapeless baggy black dress to an important event.
  • Don't wear makeup just because people expect you to.
  • Pretend you've just won an Oscar. (You don't have to pretend that you deserved it. You sure did.) 

  • Learn another language. 
  • Be cultured. 
  • Join the 8½ Foundation.
  • Complain to everyone who will listen that Tilda should have won a second Oscar for Julia last year. 
  • Remember that art is more important than money. (Only sell out temporarily in short doses... even when the offers come flooding in.)
  • Be androgynous.
  • And/or appreciate the androgynous in others. 

  • "Do not fade. Do not grow old."
  • Never lack for imagination.
  • Be your own person. There is only one you.


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