Monday, September 20, 2010

The Master Is Dead! Long Live The Master

JA from MNPP here. In case you missed the news, it seems that Paul Thomas Anderson's next film The Master - which was to star Phillip Seymour Hoffman as the leader of a new Scientology-like religion in the 50s with Jeremy Renner as his disciple and Reese Witherspoon as his wife - has turned into a pillar of salt and gone poof. It's E-meter done gone and flat-lined. I'm sure it supposedly being a thinly-veiled critique of a religion intertwined with a large portion of the Hollywood establishment had nothing whatsoever to putting a pox on PTA's house, I am sure. Sure. Why not.

Anyway this is depressing news for those of us that worship upon the altar of Paul Thomas Anderson. I promised him my first born and all I get are empty promises! It's enough to make you not believe in a higher directing power after all. My faith in movie-making is shaken! I am having a crisis of cinematic conscience! To quote a well-known philosopher renowned for his wise words and his hammer pants, what we need to do is pray. But who does one aim this sort of prayer towards? Christian God is too busy editing all the boobs out of movies to get them down to PG-13. Muhammad doesn't show his face at the cinema. And unless you're willing to sing and dance it Bollywood-style Buddha doesn't take movie requests. Who is the god of movies? Is it Morgan Freeman too?
..Can you hear me, Morgan Freeman? It's me, JA.
In all seriousness, if this movie is indeed dead as a dead dormouse, what should PTA turn his attentions to next? Something to get the tweens with their sexting and such on-board could definitely raise his stock I think. Maybe a Love Story 2010 with Zac Efron and his girlfriend. I know, he could remake Boogie Nights and have Katherine Heigl play Amber Waves! It's genius. Fifty million dollar opening weekend in the bag!

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